Tag Archives: parody

Gaming March Madness Round 4

ncaa_march_madness_logo_2016

Now that the real-life Final Four has been set in terms of Men’s Basketball March Madness, it’s time for us to move onto our next stage in the virtual world. Who will come out on top and who will be upset? Well, you’re about to find out as a matter of fact. Here are the results from the third round:

EAST BRACKET

4 DRAGON AGE ORIGINS WIN (OVER FABLE II)

7 THE WITCHER 2 WIN (OVER MASS EFFECT)

WEST BRACKET

1 MASS EFFECT 2 WIN (OVER MIRROR’S EDGE)

11 MIDDLE EARTH SHADOW OF MORDOR WIN (OVER DEAD SPACE)

MIDWEST BRACKET

1 UNCHARTED 2 WIN (OVER UNCHARTED)

3 LEFT 4 DEAD WIN (OVER MORTAL KOMBAT X)

SOUTH BRACKET

1 BORDERLANDS 2 WIN (OVER ROCK BAND 2)

2 PORTAL WIN (OVER LITTLEBIGPLANET 2)

ROUND FOUR:

4 DRAGON AGE ORIGINS V 7 THE WITCHER 2

1 MASS EFFECT 2 V 11 MIDDLE EARTH SHADOW OF MORDOR

1 UNCHARTED 2 V 3 LEFT 4 DEAD

1 BORDERLANDS 2 V 2 PORTAL

Tagged , , ,

Gaming March Madness Round 3

ncaa_march_madness_logo_2016

Not so long ago, I posted an update to my ‘gaming bracket’ of March Madness-style games. Today I come bearing more updates to the bracket just a couple of days before actual March Madness play resumes. It’s been interesting to note the road so far in both tournaments and I’m curious to see where these games end up when all is said and done. Here are the results of the second round:

EAST BRACKET

8 FABLE II WIN (OVER BIOSHOCK)

4 DRAGON AGE ORIGINS WIN (OVER ASSASSIN’S CREED II)

3 MASS EFFECT WIN (OVER SUNSET OVERDRIVE)

7 THE WITCHER 2 WIN (OVER BATMAN ARKHAM ASYLUM)

WEST BRACKET

1 MASS EFFECT 2 WIN (OVER FAR CRY 3)

4 MIRROR’S EDGE WIN (OVER MODERN WARFARE 2)

11 MIDDLE EARTH SHADOW OF MORDOR WIN (OVER PORTAL 2)

2 DEAD SPACE WIN (OVER SKYRIM)

MIDWEST BRACKET

1 UNCHARTED 2 WIN (OVER DMC DEVIL MAY CRY)

4 UNCHARTED WIN (OVER GOD OF WAR 3)

3 LEFT 4 DEAD WIN (OVER DESTINY)

7 MORTAL KOMBAT X WIN (OVER MASS EFFECT 3)

SOUTH BRACKET

1 BORDERLANDS 2 WIN (OVER SLEEPING DOGS)

4 ROCK BAND 2 WIN (OVER METAL GEAR SOLID V)

3 LITTLEBIGPLANET 2 WIN (OVER KILLZONE 3)

2 PORTAL WIN (OVER SNIPER ELITE V2)

ROUND THREE:

EAST BRACKET

8 FABLE II V 4 DRAGON AGE ORIGINS

3 MASS EFFECT V 7 THE WITCHER 2

WEST BRACKET

1 MASS EFFECT 2 V 4 MIRROR’S EDGE

11 MIDDLE EARTH SHADOW OF MORDOR V 2 DEAD SPACE

MIDWEST BRACKET

1 UNCHARTED 2 V 4 UNCHARTED

3 LEFT 4 DEAD V 7 MORTAL KOMBAT X

SOUTH BRACKET

1 BORDERLANDS 2 V 4 ROCK BAND 2

3 LITTLEBIGPLANET 2 V 2 PORTAL

Tagged , , ,

Gaming March Madness Round 2

ncaa_march_madness_logo_2016

A few days ago, I posted the first round of my ‘gaming march madness’ bracket shenanigans. Today I come bearing updates for the now completed first round and insight as to how this whole thing will be conducted. First and foremost, I’m going to take the easiest route and make sure it remains wholly unbiased by basing my winning seeds in each round off of the corresponding tournament team that wins those matchups in real life as the tournament progresses. It will save me a lot of trouble and everyone else a lot of bellyaching and ire.

Without further ado, allow me to post the updated results of the initial round and who will be facing who in each region for this next round in the next few days.

EAST BRACKET

1 BIOSHOCK WIN (OVER DEAD SPACE 3)

8 FABLE II WIN (OVER CRYSIS 3)

5 ASSASSIN’S CREED II WIN (OVER COD BLACK OPS)

4 DRAGON AGE ORIGINS WIN (OVER HORIZON ZERO DAWN)

11 SUNSET OVERDRIVE WIN (OVER ALAN WAKE)

3 MASS EFFECT WIN (OVER KILLZONE SHADOW FALL)

7 THE WITCHER 2 WIN (OVER THE LAST OF US)

2 BATMAN ARKHAM ASYLUM WIN (OVER THE WITCHER 3)

WEST BRACKET

1 MASS EFFECT 2 WIN (OVER BATMAN ARKHAM CITY)

8 FAR CRY 3 WIN (OVER GRAND THEFT AUTO V)

5 MODERN WARFARE 2 WIN (OVER FALLOUT 3)

4 MIRROR’S EDGE WIN (OVER TOMB RAIDER)

11 MIDDLE EARTH SHADOW OF MORDOR WIN (OVER METRO 2033)

3 PORTAL 2 WIN (OVER UNTIL DAWN)

7 SKYRIM WIN (OVER BIOSHOCK INFINITE)

2 DEAD SPACE WIN (OVER VVVVVV)

MIDWEST BRACKET

1 UNCHARTED 2 WIN (OVER HALO 3)

9 DMC DEVIL MAY CRY WIN (OVER XCOM ENEMY UNKNOWN)

5 GOD OF WAR 3 WIN (OVER FALLOUT 4)

4 UNCHARTED WIN (OVER RESIDENT EVIL 7)

11 DESTINY WIN (OVER RED DEAD REDEMPTION)

3 LEFT 4 DEAD WIN (OVER DIRT 3)

7 MORTAL KOMBAT X WIN (OVER SKYWARD SWORD)

2 MASS EFFECT 3 WIN (OVER SUPER MARIO GALAXY 2)

SOUTH BRACKET

1 BORDERLANDS 2 WIN (OVER STARCRAFT II)

8 SLEEPING DOGS WIN (OVER SAINTS ROW IV)

12 METAL GEAR SOLID V WIN (OVER HALO REACH)

4 ROCK BAND 2 WIN (OVER MINECRAFT)

6 KILLZONE 3 WIN (OVER UNDERTALE)

3 LITTLEBIGPLANET 2 WIN (OVER XENOBLADE CHRONICLES)

10 SNIPER ELITE V2 WIN (OVER DARK SOULS)

2 PORTAL WIN (OVER ORI AND THE BLIND FOREST)

ROUND TWO MATCHUPS:

EAST BRACKET

1 BIOSHOCK V 8 FABLE II

5 ASSASSIN’S CREED II V 4 DRAGON AGE ORIGINS

11 SUNSET OVERDRIVE V 3 MASS EFFECT

7 THE WITCHER 2 V 2 BATMAN ARKHAM ASYLUM

WEST BRACKET

1 MASS EFFECT 2 V 8 FAR CRY 3

5 MODERN WARFARE 2 V 4 MIRROR’S EDGE

11 MIDDLE EARTH SHADOW OF MORDOR V 3 PORTAL 2

7 SKYRIM V 2 DEAD SPACE

MIDWEST BRACKET

1 UNCHARTED 2 V 9 DMC DEVIL MAY CRY

5 GOD OF WAR 3 V 4 UNCHARTED

11 DESTINY V 3 LEFT 4 DEAD

7 MORTAL KOMBAT X V 2 MASS EFFECT 3

SOUTH BRACKET

1 BORDERLANDS 2 V 8 SLEEPING DOGS

12 METAL GEAR SOLID V V 4 ROCK BAND 2

6 KILLZONE 3 V 3 LITTLEBIGPLANET 2

10 SNIPER ELITE V2 V 2 PORTAL

Tagged , , ,

Gaming March Madness

ncaa_march_madness_logo_2016

As you all may or may not know, today starts the official round of sixty-four games for Division I men’s basketball in the so-called March Madness tourney. In honor of that, it is my goal to bring to your attention sixty-four games from the past decade or so in a mock March Madness style bracket. Without further ado, I shall begin. Keep in mind, as the tournament itself progresses I will update my games bracket as well.

EAST BRACKET

1 BIOSHOCK V 16 DEAD SPACE 3

8 FABLE II V 9 CRYSIS 3

5 ASSASSIN’S CREED II V 12 BLACK OPS

4 DRAGON AGE ORIGINS V 13 HORIZON ZERO DAWN

6 ALAN WAKE V 11 SUNSET OVERDRIVE

3 MASS EFFECT V 14 KILLZONE SHADOW FALL

7 THE WITCHER 2 V 10 THE LAST OF US

2 BATMAN: ARKHAM ASYLUMV 15 THE WITCHER 3

WEST BRACKET

1 MASS EFFECT 2 V 16 BATMAN ARKHAM CITY

8 FAR CRY 3 V 9 GRAND THEFT AUTO V

5 MODERN WARFARE 2 V 12 FALLOUT 3

4 MIRROR’S EDGE V 13 TOMB RAIDER

6 METRO 2033 V 11 MIDDLE EARTH SHADOW OF MORDOR

3 PORTAL 2 V 14 UNTIL DAWN

7 SKYRIM V 10 BIOSHOCK INFINITE

2 DEAD SPACE V 15 VVVVVV

MIDWEST BRACKET

1 UNCHARTED 2 V 16 HALO 3

8 XCOM ENEMY UNKNOWN V 9 DMC DEVIL MAY CRY

5 GOD OF WAR 3 V 12 FALLOUT 4

4 UNCHARTED V 13 RESIDENT EVIL 7

6 RED DEAD REDEMPTION V 11 DESTINY

3 LEFT 4 DEAD V 14 DIRT 3

7 MORTAL KOMBAT X V 10 SKYWARD SWORD

2 MASS EFFECT 3 V 15 SUPER MARIO GALAXY 2

SOUTH BRACKET

1 BORDERLANDS 2 V 16 STAR CRAFT II

8 SLEEPING DOGS V 9 SAINTS ROW IV

5 HALO REACH V 12 METAL GEAR SOLID V

4 ROCK BAND 2 V 13 MINECRAFT

6 KILLZONE 3 V 11 UNDERTALE

3 LITTLEBIGPLANET 2 V 14 XENOBLADE CHRONICLES

7 DARK SOULS V 10 SNIPER ELITE V2

2 PORTAL V 15 ORI AND THE BLIND FOREST

*Note: Seedings are completely random and have literally NO meaning. I assigned completely random games to a random number is all. So please don’t feel hurt if your favorite titles didn’t make it where you would like.

Tagged , , ,

Grim Poetry

Roses are Red,

Violets are Blue,

My Inspiration is Dead,

And So are You.

Tagged ,

The Five Most Annoying Endings of the Generation

[As Read on GIO.]

The “Not-Including Mass Effect 3” Version

The following five video game endings do of course contain major spoilers for their respective games, so be prepared to have several gaming experiences ruined for you if you have yet to play them yourselves. The games in question are Condemned: Criminal Origins, Far Cry 3, FEAR 3, Resistance 2, and Amy. The first four games are all excellent or good games, however, the fifth is extremely terrible, and therefore unsurprisingly has an equally terrible and annoying ending as well. The fact that I made it that far is quite surprising actually. However, for the sake of this blog, let me go ahead and move on to the full deal…

♦♦♦

Condemned: Criminal Origins

Condemned is a very underrated and little understood game that released nearer to the beginning of our current console generation, and remains a pretty likeable little gem today, despite its abominable graphics by today’s standards. Featuring a convoluted story of murder and horror and intrigue, Criminal Origins really falls apart at its ending scene, or more accurately in its final boss battle- as the ending itself is okay, even if it is completely undone by the beginning of the second game, and you basically wasted your time for fifteen hours in order to change nothing. However, Condemned’s ending is what is the most annoying, as it is basically one big boss battle with an until-then unexplained enemy known as The Hate, but later as a member of the Oro cult, who becomes a prominent source of antagonism in the second game. You sit through wave after wave of deranged hobos wielding knives and pipes and doors only to then be assailed by a man-like humanoid monstrosity wielding a giant pole-like sword, and who has the power to create massive hallucinations and cause you to freak the heck out. Things get even better once you defeat him though, as you then take a car trip with your mentor and pal, only to realize that the serial killer you’ve been chasing the entire game is in the trunk tied up, heading towards “rehabilitation” and salvation. You then are given two options which inevitably lead to the same conclusion regardless- as you can shoot the man yourself or watch him commit suicide via bullet. After this, you talk with one of your comrades from SCI at a diner, head to the restroom, and- look, suddenly those facial scars and mouthpieces from The Hate and the Oro are on your face as the screen blacks out! Thanks a lot for that Monolith. Grr…

Far Cry 3: The ‘Bad’ Ending

If Far Cry 3 wasn’t mature or controversial enough for you throughout, witnessing this particular ending sure will push it over into that territory. Not only does it showcase one of the most vivid and realistic sexual encounters of video gaming in this particular era- which is not likely to win very many mothers or fathers over to the side of ‘okay, I’ll let my get buy M-rated games”, but it also sucks immensely in more ways than one, and unravels just about everything you accomplished in the game. Let’s see…where to start… Ah, well- first of all, you’re forced to choose between killing or sparing at least one of your friends, assuming they survived thus far anyways. So, naturally, being the *** you are (apparently) in this particular ending, you choose to kill that friend. Yeah, congrats man, you really earned it. What’s your reward? Creating the “ultimate warrior” with the tribal Citra. Yeah, sounds exactly like it is, doesn’t it? So, okay, you’re an ass and you killed your friends, but hey, you got some reward out of it, so it can’t be all that bad, right? Hah, how wrong could you have been? Not only does Citra ‘reward” you justly, but she decides there can only be one in classic Highlander fashion, and stabs you fatally as well. What a thanks that is! So, basically, after having survived the entire thirty plus hours of exploring a deadly island filled with wild animals and slavers, you get killed by some ungrateful *** after having sex. Wonderful Ubisoft, just wonderful. Thankfully you sort of made up for it with the so-called ‘good’ ending, which really wasn’t too good either, but was at least less annoying and a waste of time than this one.

FEAR 3: The ‘More Bad’ Ending

So, we’ve essentially been chasing after Alma Wade for three whole games now, right? And you thought things were bad for us at the end of FEAR 2, (undoubtedly the best of the three games)? Well, boy have I got news for you. Not only does Point Man- the original protagonist from the first game, return, but he’s an *** now as well. And even better, he’s sided with his now ‘brother” Paxton Fettel, that guy who was a total *** for every minute of screen time he got in each previous game. So, okay, cool- now we have cooperative capabilities, completely at the detriment of the actual story itself. Whatever. But it just gets better from there on. If you actually manage to stomach the lack of story and sense this time around until the very end- by which point you’ve killed the best protagonist in the series, Beckett, all because you needed some information, and Fettel likes to make people implode- now you have to resolve things in a competitive way. Namely, if you played cooperatively, whichever player had the highest amount of points ends up triumphing over the other and getting the ending that the character they’re playing as gets. Or, if you played solo, the same thing happens, but you automatically win as your character. So, almost like an Army of Two: The 40th Day sort of thing, you beat each other up over the pregnant Alma, seeing who gets to protect or use her child. Well, of course, in the bad ending, Fettel wins- and guess what? All hell breaks loose, surprise! Not only dos he kill Point Man, but he absorbs Alma’s life energy and goes cannibal by feasting on her body before basically devouring her child. What a nice older brother he is, and what a screwed up and pointless ending that was. So…I guess we could still get a FEAR 4, right?

Resistance 2

Resistance 2 is definitely the highlight of the series, or rather, it is until you get to the ending and your entire world is turned upside down. So, you’ve been playing as Protagonist Nathan Hale for two console games, and then the third mysteriously features the before little-known Corporal Capelli, right? Why the sudden shift in persona? Oh, I don’t know… maybe it had something to do with a bullet between the eyes. Somewhere between Resistance: Fall of Man and Resistance 2, Hale gets infected by the Chimera, and slowly throughout the game battles the virus within as well as the enemies without. Pretty interesting, right? Well, that’s what I thought too, until the ending. So, you’ve survived the entire game, as dire as things are, and things seem to be actually alright for a change… you’re kind of pushing the Chimera back a little bit when- wham! What happened? Oh, that’s right- Hale is attacked by his own “friends” and brutally harassed. It’s small wonder then what happens next. Capelli shows up on scene and encounters a fully possessed Nathan Hale, now completely human-Chimera-fied and pretty pissed and stark raving mad. The lunatic spouts off about the time coming and “it is done” and “this is just the beginning” and a bunch of other hive-mind nonsense. Well, that is, until Capelli mercilessly shoots the ‘man’. Come on! You’re not even going to keep his body for research or something! Some friend you are pal. So yeah, you could say I was a little crushed, and annoyed.

Amy: The Bad Game

Seriously, it takes some amount of something resembling skill to create as colossal a train wreck as this particular game. It is unquestionably the worst game on this list, and one of the worst of the generation as well. But enough of those prejudices, let’s just talk about the ending and get it over with- although I will give one last jab. Seriously developers, you had one job- to rip over Dead Rising 2 as much as possible in concept, and you failed! My goodness. Anyway, as you near the end, you face more of the same, repetitive “challenges’ and murderous and generic ‘zombie’ bosses. After finally defeating the final zombie, you’re treated to first, a small cutscene of the girl and woman hugging it out and going to find their friend who happens to be a doctor, in order to get some help for Amy. After this, it quickly changes to a slideshow of pictures and credits with a narrated overtone of “I can move on now” which quickly changes to “just kidding, she’s a part of me.” Yeah- as if we didn’t have that stressed enough the entire stupid game! Then we have the (essentially) military/SWAT commander appear from nowhere and give the parting, cheesy one-liner “someone need a divine intervention?” before cutting to the full credits. Seriously, the credits were longer than the cutscene and slides themselves! How, in a game that looks like it was (favorably) made by three drunks in a basement? I mean, I hate to insult the people who worked on the project, but it just wasn’t of quality at all, and they should have never greenlit it to begin with… That’s annoying in and of itself.

♦♦♦

Well, that’s enough of that annoying and depressing junk for one day. I’m sure I’ve flustered you all too much already with my opinions, especially as this is my first blog back since my brief and well-deserved hiatus in the wake of my 30/30 challenge completion. Anyways, until the next time I blog here, or at least until my next review (tomorrow). Adios folks.

Tagged , , ,

My GIO 30/30- Day Ten

[As Read on GIO.]

[Titled: Taking a Leaf from the Book]

(Try not to make [too much] fun of me making fun of literature and poetic terms please. Thank you.)

You know- because I am feeling quite lazy and semi-morose as of late, and because I haven’t stretched my metaphorical creative legs much in terms of poetry lately, I think I’ll take a page from O’Dell’s book (er…blog). Yes, I think I’m going to opt out of truly writing something long and painful, and instead paint on the canvas of memory and reverie, and make up some other awesome (or overly creme) reservations of such things. Here goes nothing- mind you, it’s been a long while since I’ve produced…

♦♦♦

Untitled

And yes, this piece is literally known as ‘Untitled’,

Relevant or not, you shall not know,

For forced am I to write it,

With crappy literary elements and grammatically spatial prose,

Although, Although, Although…

E.E Cummings would be proud,

To see   me   type   things   like  this   aloud.

To forgo commonplace poetic laws and rules,

To forget what it means to be cool-

(And to rhyme every time)

To dawdle to dwindle to bottle to read Frindle

(Haven’t read that since 4th grade!)

To even sometimes forget to add syntactical proverbs,

To fling out the diction

To stop using commas

To laugh as this causes the derailing run-on sentence friction!

To boast,

To toast,

To change scenes rapidly,

From coast,

To coast,

(How’d we end up in Italy?)

To make up flagspaciouslytryiste words,

To rhyme beans and cheese with curds,

To write about orange and silver,

And to not even try to rhyme anymore.

(Because you can’t.)

To create an argumentative and unreliable narrator,

(You can’t do that!)

And gain multiple personality disorder in the process,

To threaten to roast,

To return to line 21 to finish that previous rhyming line.

(To coast?)

Yes,

To coast.

Okay…

To insert video game references,

Because what’s better?

(No, because this is Game Informer!)

Okay-

Because this is Game Informer.

To switch to free verse,

And then break out into…

I-Ambic Pentamet-errrrrrrrrr.

To sing a ling ling,

A song a long long,

To bust at the seams,

Whilst avoiding GLaDOS’ lasers and light beams.

(Told you.)

To keep this thing a-going,

This party pooping truck a-rolling,

Everyone’s a-trolling.

(Well, I am anyway)

So-

please don’t hate

ee cummings

would   not   relate

.

With a sudden shift,

A sudden change,

A sudden stanza-y-stanza,

Was sustained.

And now we’re back, we’re on to the next thing,

Suddenly a couplet, to which we can cling.

That was A-A format,

Really top of the line,

Quite steely and awesome,

It’s a quatrain this time.

The lines continue on,

And on,

And on,

It’s definitely not a limerick this time,

It’s a Journey song.

Sorry about that not so (punny) joke,

I thought it would be (funny) with which to prod,

And poke.

Did you see what I did there?

(You did)

Didn’t you?

(I rhymed on separate lines)

A big no-no,

If there ever was something to-

Wait, but you can’t do that,

E.E my friend

(Multiple personalities again?)

ohbutican

         icandothat

          ijustdid

 whatare         you

goingtodo?

And now it’s time,

I think I should just end

(el finalmente)

This trainwreck of a thing,

Should have never began,

Should’ve never been thought up,

But alas it was,

Twas,

Quite a travesty,

I aplogize,

But it’s about time,

I switch languages,

For the final line(s).

Entonces, que voy a hacer?

Mis Maletas?

Vete tambien?

Solo podemos comenzar a esperar…

El fin.

♦♦♦

I apologize. I felt quite creative and dastardly. I won’t subject you to this again (maybe). But we’ll see. (Oh no, I cannot stop rhyming now.) Oh, thank goodness- it stopped. Anyway, it’ll be back to serious writing for tomorrow’s blog, I promise. Seriously serious. Possibly. But anyway, it’s time for my customary salud. So… Adios.

Tagged , , ,

Port Parody

Tagged , , ,

Trivial Pursuit: The First Annual JohnWrek Trivia Challenge

Today’s blog is going to be a more interesting, light-hearted trivia blog of sorts. I know this may seem narcissistic in many ways, but it will be a blog featuring myself, and will question you about just how much you know about a certain subject pertaining to me presently here at GIO: my blogs that have been written over the years. I hope to make this a fun, annual occurrence, so I will release one of these next year as well, assuming I’m still around and nothing odd happens that would result in my departure from this wonderful community. If not, then at least you will have this one to play around with. I hope you will enjoy the twenty blog trivia questions that I have in store, and be sure to go back and search my blogs for some of the subtle and not-so subtle hints. Now, allow me to begin with the rules and regulations.

Le Rules

Answers can only be found in my blogs.

You must laugh at the witty fail in the above picture, if you found it (them).

Answers, if posted by you in the comments, do not have to be exact- simply close.

Be sure to check your answers underneath each question (they will be in white to blend in).

Highlight or turn the site black to see the answers.

Enjoy the trivia challenge.

Post how many you got right, or close calls.

I will make an example comment to spur discussion.

Questions are in chronological order, to make things easier-ish.

Le Questions (and Answers)

1) What was the ending quote from my very first (officially published) blog here at GIO?

Answer: “Need your cajones, son.”

2) What was the first Game Informer issue that I blogged about my responses to and thoughts on, here at GIO?

Answer: Issue #227

3) How many video game franchises did I say “should take it easy for awhile?”

Answer: 7

4) One of my critically acclaimed blogs, which game was I promising to revisit after nearly a year of it being out?

Answer: Portal 2

5) What was the title of my co-blogging extravaganza with JayWrighterJames?

Answer: The Evolution of Spider-Man in Video Games

6) What game did I make a parody sequel announcement post to shortly after my co-blogging exploits? (And what was the parody called?)

Answer: The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim (The Elder Scrolls VI: Hammerfell)

7) In my blog praising the Dark Knight’s concluding chapter, I stated that what point was number five in that particular blog?

Answer: Continuity

8) What blog has a title that seems very similar to one of my more recently released blogs, the one known as The Persian Perspective?

Answer: The Playfire Perspective

9) What was my contribution to the weekly question genre of blogs here on GIO?

Answer: One Feature you’d add to Any game

10) This blog about a list of games included how many theoretical sequels by Valve Software?

Answer: 3

11) One of my most popular blogs, which was also featured in Blog Herding and the GI Newsletter, defined what term for warfare?

Answer: Unconventional Warfare

12) My blog on an excellent game known as a successor to System Shock 2 was titled what?

Answer: Jack’s Redemption

13) In my blog pertaining to Thanksgiving Day Warrior, I titled each part of the blog with allusions to what game?

Answer: Halo: Combat Evolved or Halo: Combat Evolved Anniversary Edition

14) The first episode of my short little synopsis series called Let’s Talk featured what game?

Answer: Guardians of Middle-Earth

15) What was the title of my little top 25 blog?

Answer: The Top 25 Impressive Features in Gaming

16) In this philosophical blog post, I broke from the norm by including what anonymous quote?

Answer: “The world doesn’t stop for any single person- it just rolls on with or without you, regardless of how important you may or may not have been to it’s peoples.”

17) In this blog I told you some tips on hoe to create a good blog. What was part four’s title?

Answer: In Which we Reach the End of our Journey…Or do we?

18) In this particular blog, I correctly guessed that what game would score the score given to it by GI Magizine in Dan Ryckert’s review? (What score?)

Answer: Gears of War: Judgment (8.5)

19) One of my most beloved top 10’s blog lists, this blog talked about this generation of gaming, and included what game as the seventh of the ten interesting games that impacted this gen?

Answer: Mirror’s Edge

20) Following three subsequent blog reviews and coming before a review of a game that GI gave a perfect ten, what blog did I post with a picture pertaining to that game? (And what was the game’s title?)

Answer: The Top 10 ‘Perfect 10’s’ of GIO (Bioshock Infinite)

Le Finish

It’s been a fun little trivia challenge, and I hope you will deign to comment.

Give me feedback on what scores you got (out of 20).

And feel free to comment on what you thought was neat.

Thanks again folks, and as usual, until next time…adios.

Tagged , ,

This Might or Might Not be an April Fools Joke

The Stalking Dead

Unofficial TWD FanFic

“Same horror, fresh faces.”

Written and Edited by JW

***

Disclaimer: Any names or descriptions bearing any resemblance to real-life people or places are purely coincidental, with the exception of named locations and cities, towns, etc. The writer did not purposely place you or your friends and town in the zombie apocalypse for fun or pure spite. Maybe. Don’t worry, you’re perfectly safe. Maybe. Places may or may not be based on already existing locations, or are purely figments of the author’s imagination in some instances as well. If you do happen to stumble upon one of these locales, beware the Walking Dead. Also, please note that- as with the official series itself, this UNOFFICIAL work of fiction may contain questionable content, so read at your own risk. Enjoy.

Episode 1- “The First Day of the End of Our Lives”

[INTRO]

It all began with the sun rising through the feverish midmorning haze. No one recognized it for what it was until it was too late, but by then…well, you know that story. What you may not know is mine. But that is why I am here to tell you. So that you might learn from my mistakes, or at least live by them. My name is Scott Moore, and this is the first day of the end of my life.

***

Ep. 1- “The First Day of the End of Our Lives”

He felt like he had been run over by a steam roller as he groggily sat up, or tried to, rather. “Goddamn,” he muttered as the whiskey bottle smashed onto the RV floor when he rolled over. He sighed. Reaching for the alarm to see what time it was, he pulled the blinds up with his other hand as he groped around in the bed. The clock was dead. “Hmm…that’s odd. I coulda sworn I left the fucker plugged in last night…” He laughed. Last night was a blur, so he could hardly blame himself if he didn’t remember to plug the stupid thing back in to charge.

He turned to look out the window and bask in the morning glow and started when he noticed the large, blood-red handprint on his window. “The fuck? This some kinda shitty joke or some’at? Some asshole putting pig’s blood on his hand and trying to creep me out or some shit? Well that’s just damn dandy then, ain’t it?”

He started again when he heard a bump and a scraping coming from the other side of the RV. He got up, but immediately fell on his face, his head hitting the floor just beside the shards of glass and spilled whiskey. “What a waste,” he muttered, woozily hauling himself back to his feet. “Damn fine hangover I got this morning,”

He pulled his bathrobe tighter around his dingy drawers and stretched a little, popping his back. He heard the thump another time, and then a sort of wheezing and shuffling accompanying it. “Creep’s still here? Oh, I’ll teach him…” He thought as what sounded like fingernails slid and scraped against his door. “Trying to rattle me, eh? I’ll teach you a fine lesson! And give you a beating you won’t forget!” He said to himself, grabbing an iron skillet off the counter in one hand, and reaching for the doorknob with the other.

Gripping the knob tightly, he silently and slowly opened the door, so as to not alert the prowler/jokester, and peaked out. Not five feet away from him, a man stood with his back to him, leaning heavily against the side of the RV.

“Hey asshole, ya mind getting off the merchandise?” Scott asked, waiting for the guy to turn around and man up. Instead, the man gave a slight groan and a hissing sound and barely turned his head to look back. “Yeah you! You got some issues pal? Need me to clear em up for ya? Cause I got some great medicine right here!” He hefted his skillet and stepped down onto the set of stairs outside the doorway.

The man slowly turned around- shuffled around, more accurately, and he could see the man’s face in full profile now. There were some bloody marks around his eyes, nose, and mouth, as well as some darker stains on his shirt and pants. “Ah shit man! He’s a loony or some shit!” Scott thought quickly, horrified at the man’s disheveled appearance.

“Damn man. You aigh’t there?” He asked, stepping forward towards the man hesitantly. He was obviously hurt, but didn’t seem to be in pain, or too coherent for that matter, dazed as he was. “Need me to patch that up for ya, pal?” He motioned to the bloody wounds with one hand, the other still clutching at his iron pan like a lifeline. Instead of replying, the man stumbled on, a low growl emitting from deep within his belly. That was when his tattered shirt pulled away to show his belly- or what was left of it.

The entire left-most portion of his side had been ripped out, ribs were broken and exposed, and some sort of stinky, squishy, grey material was barely holding on. Scott nearly gagged as he screamed and fell backwards. “Shit man! I ain’t no doctor, but you are past needing help my friend! Dead as a fucking doornail is what you are!” He yelled and pointed, as if that would distract the…thing. “And yet he’s standing right there in front of me! It’s like he’s some sort of fucking zombie or something, but those things ain’t real!”

It edged closer still, panting. “Back it on up motherfucker, before I take a piece of you with my handy little skillet here!” he yelled, voice cracking a little as the thing shuffled closer still. “Why am I talking to it? Trying to reason with it?” he thought, raising the pan above his head- readying himself for what would come next.

“Ain’t ever had to kill a man, and I’m not about to start now… You ain’t a man though anymore, so this ain’t a sin or nothin’.”

As it made it the last few feet, arms outstretched, groping the air, he brought the cast iron skillet down forcefully atop its crown with a sickening thud. With a belated “Duhh…” and a sigh, the thing fell over on top of him and knocked him to the ground.

“Jesus!” he cursed, starting to push it off of him. The thing stirred once more and began to faintly flail and thrash about, clawing at Scott as if in a panic itself. “Shit!” He gave it another wallop for good measure, listening as its neck snapped under the pressure. He got up, wiping the blood off of his hands on his britches and clenching the skillet so hard that his tan hands were past white. It started to stir again, and with an angry shout he began to beat it repeatedly in the head- not stopping until he had bashed the better half of its face and upper head in and the body itself was all but unrecognizable.

With a sob, he sat back and dropped his skillet onto the stairs, eyes starting to water and hands going limp. “What kinda shit is this? Ain’t like no hangover I’ve ever had before… What’s the world coming to? What’s the-“

“Hey! Hey you! Over here!” A far off voice sounded and he ceased his thinking and glanced around furtively. “Over here!” He glanced towards the interstate he had parked off of the previous night, too stoned to keep on a truckin, a thousand years or so ago it seemed. He saw a woman waving from a red pickup, and waved back.

“Come help us! My husband is ill! He needs medicine or something!”

Scott got up slowly, and began to walk towards the woman and her red truck. Suddenly, he saw a man’s head dart out the open window and his mouth clamp down around the woman’s neck viciously. She shrieked and howled in surprise and pain as he gnashed his teeth and ripped at her flesh.

Scott took off running. “Shit! Another one of…those…things!” he thought as he got closer. He pried her away from it, and a long strip of flesh came away in its mouth as she nearly passed out.

He put his hands around her neck to try to staunch the bleeding, and began asking her questions in order to distract her from her predicament.

“M’am? What’s your name?” he asked her as she frantically looked around and her eyes rolled in her head.

“M’am!” He yelled, but it was too late. Her eyes rolled one final time and she lay still in his arms, bleeding all over his already crimson and ragged bathrobe- her husband crawling ravenously around in the backseat of their pickup, working the doorhandle. “He’s a little more than sick, m’am.” Scott whispered as he pulled the knife from her belt and sunk it, up to the hilt, in the ‘man’s’ face. He twitched once and was still.

“Well, that sure stopped him,” he thought before turning around to survey the scene. “What am I gonna do with these three bodies I got now? Guess I’ll have to bury em somewhere…” He headed for the RV to grab a tarp, appropriate for the job.

While he was inside, he washed his hands and changed into more suitable clothing- namely, denim and a flannel tee shirt. “Ain’t no use getting’ hepatitis…” He muttered and washed his hands once more for added measure.

He grabbed the tarpaulin and headed back outside to the couple’s truck, ready to get things over with and figure out just what hell he had woken to find himself in. There was a bloody trail smeared on the ground, but the woman’s body was nowhere to be seen.

“Well shit,” he thought out loud, glancing around speechlessly, “She couldn’ta just got up and walked off now could sh-“ He heard a rustle and a shuffle and whirled around. Sure enough, there stood the woman, dead not five minutes ago, still bleeding profusely from the jugular where her late husband had taken a large chomp out of her throat.

“Goddamn, it’s not a good day.” He searched around for something, anything he could use to defend himself and came up empty handed. “Shit, shit, shit!” he cursed, leaning over the dead man to grab the knife from his wrecked face, having no alternative.

She was upon him before he could turn, moving scarily fast for a recently dead person, and defying all Hollywood principles and rules as well.

She came at him literally tooth and claw, but he managed to fend her off and shove her to the ground. He slashed at her, but she came on heedlessly, ignoring the new red line on her arm as she did. He kicked her in the knee, breaking it loudly, and still she came on- albeit slowly. With a yell, he sunk the blade deep into the top of her skull, and well into her brain. She jerked and fell onto her face, dead for good.

“Damn it woman, I’m sorry I had to do that.” He said, then, “Get ahold of yourself Scott. She’s dead, she don’t care. Probably thanking you now anyway…” He stared at the rising sun and the coming day as he leaned back against the truck, not sure if he wanted to be a part of this new and dangerous world, but sure as hell that he didn’t want to end up dead- or worse…

Fin.

Tagged , , ,
Mr. Miniike's Tea-Sipping Reviews

Album reviews and pop culture nothings by a Christian INFP New Yorker turboplebe with no musical talent. Mostly empty gushing. How can you resist?

ultimatemindsettoday

A great WordPress.com site

Selected Essays and Squibs by Joseph Suglia

The Web log of Dr. Joseph Suglia

The Ninth Life

It's time to be inspired, become encouraged, and get uplifted!

Elan Mudrow

The Ridges of Intertextuallity

Storyshucker

A blog full of humorous and poignant observations.

What Inspires Your Writing?

A blog dedicated to writers...and the people, places, and things that spark their creativity

%d bloggers like this: