[As Read on GIO.]
The Wolf Among Us
In Which I Continue to Ruin the First Episode
Hey there! It’s been a few days since my last portioned out Faith spoilers blog, so I think now is as good a time as any to continue on. Don’t you think so? Well, as is now customary, I suppose I will warn you that this blog contains a massive helping of spoilers, and the previous part can be read here. I guess you’ve been given enough forewarning, and if you’ve read this far already, you’ve spoiled enough of the experience to go ahead and get the rest over with. Let’s begin!
1. How conveniently they’re lined up, waiting for me already… Right?
2. ‘What are you, blind?’ Heh- that’s funny, seeing as that’ll be something here later…
3. Why yes- I can do whatever I like. Thanks for noticing.
4. My spider senses are tingling. They’re telling me that you are an asshat. Have a good day.
5. The last thing I need is hysteria, so let me make that point by being on the verge of hysteria myself. Am I clear?
6. Asks for an answer only to yell at her because she interrupted him. The nerve of some people. I wouldn’t blame Snow if she just punched him a few times in the face. Neither would Bigby it seems.
7. Oh, now it’s my fault eh? Okay then.
8. Because i totally should’ve expected a serial killer to randomly behead people here. Like I would expect that when it’s never happened before… But yes- totally realistic expectations.
9. But guess what- you don’t even know that person’s name! And neither do I for that matter! So why’d I bring that up…?
10. Fire me so that I can go back to being the Big Bad Wolf? Sounds like a plan Mr. Dickabod Crane.
11. The automatically dismissing the person with the biggest motive simply because they’re “out of the country” cliche. Totally works every time, right? In fact- that reminds me of another story centered on a Wolf…called Dust City…
12. Allow me to continue complaining while not actually putting forward any evidence myself, but still chastising you for not having anything substantial.
13. Oh? We do? Okay then.
14. So…let me get this straight- we aren’t going to at least warn them, on the off chance that it might scare them or hurt their feelings. Then obviously they’ll be perfectly safe, even though they’re unawares, right? Totally safe!
15. I could use a massage as well come to think of it…
16. My drunk senses are tingling now. I suspect Mr. Crane has a little secret, or someone here does…
17. Guess which response I chose. He he.
18. ‘Wasn’t going to say I told you so,’ but I told you so. Ha.
19. Insert appropriate smoke break here. Smoking level has increased to over nine thousand.
20. Oh, he doesn’t like smoking in here? Well let me light up then right away!
21. So…about that bottle. Drunk monkey? Seems legitimate.
22. No- of course it doesn’t belong to him…
23. So he’ll remember it if I don’t tell him to piss off? Well, that’s nice of Telltale…
24. Oh yeah- real specific there Miss White…real specific…
25. And yet, thanks to video game magic, he knows exactly what we’re looking for, what we specified, and where they are. Thank goodness we didn’t have to actually be specific…
26. Because her real name will really help her now that she’s dead. Although I’ll admit it could help in the ensuing investigation…
27. Magic mirror? Sweet!
28. That better not be your hair appointment you’re talking about. I swear if you-
29. Aladdin would be jealous.
30. ‘You know the rule.’ Aw- you mean I have to actually rhyme and stuff? Dang it!
31. So…you think he’ll respect your rules just because you say please? Well then. Looks like you’d be correct.
32. That’s actually an okay rhyme there Bigby. One point to Gryffindor!
33. Because kicking a hole in the magic mirror would be really beneficial to our search, obviously. Oh, and that mirror has lasted for hundreds of years, so you’d be destroying the only one of its kind essentially.
34. Tell me more about Paul Bunyan- er, the Woodsman.
35. Yep, you’d be stumbling like you had a bad hangover too if you’d just had an axe put in your brain the night before. And yet that somehow didn’t kill him, but getting her head cut off killed the mysterious, unnamed woman. Seems legit.
36. I’m sorry- i can’t tell you that, even though it probably isn’t too hard to figure out.
37. Oh, let me creep on someone who is in the same room as me, even though I could easily turn around and look. What a marvelous use of the magic mirror’s powers.
38. From the way he drinks it in, you’d think Bufkin was a fish rather than a monkey… If he could swim in a sea of alcohol anyways.
39. You don’t know her name, and yet you expect the mirror to find her even when it couldn’t figure out what street the Woodsman was on. Hmm… There’s a fallacy in there somewhere.
40. We’re going doooooowwwwwwn!
41. Look- a friendly, genderless monkey. Actually, it’s probably better that way. Wise move Telltale.
42. Tarot cards? With wolves? How convenient…
43. So that book of fables is essentially like a phone book then? Screw Yellow Pages- I’m getting me one of these! It even has nice, color pictures in it! And all my friends are there!
44. If you look closely, there’s a small Snow White and the Huntsman joke in there. He he, Kristen Stewart he he.
45. You think her name was Red? What makes you say that? The red riding hood? Plus- how can you be fables and not have heard the tales or remember them?! Come on!
46. The woodsman wouldn’t like that comment probably, especially if you told him that earlier. Oh wait- that’s right, you did.
47. I would agree- not a good day at all. Plus, you’re like the only really bad character in that scene anyway, so you kind of get the crappy end of the stick.
48. Now what’s that supposed to mean Snow? Hmm- please do tell. Oh, on second thought- I’d rather not know much more about that. Seven wrinkly, old, little dwarves… Ugh.
49. Obviously she was happy- she wasn’t cheating or whatever then.
51. Sorry- false alarm. But hey, there’s some pigs over there…
52. Look, the symbol from the ring is on that guy’s shirt! Let’s see where this leads now…
53. Let’s just call her Donkey Girl- that’s probably close enough to the name…
54. Momentary pause- my hand is still beat up? How many times did I punch that guy?!
55. How convenient- it’s all in Latin.
56. Good thing that drunk monkey is essentially an iPhone translator app though. I don’t know what I’d do without him… Being green and all…
57. Toad… How arrogant. And with no cause to be.
58. So, it just so conveniently happens that the one name I need to know is the only one the monkey can’t read? Well then. It must be important of course, or else it would’ve been a lot more simple to cover.
59. And yet Snow figures it out instantly. Thanks for being there.
60. See- I told you! Her name is Donkeyskin! Ha!
61. And yet she goes by Faith- probably more appealing anyway…
62. Also…now you know where the episode’s title and main plot point comes from. See? It’s all coming together a little bit more now, isn’t it? Doesn’t that feel good?
63. Story starts off innocent and like any other when suddenly- BAM! incest! Marriage to kids! Scary stuff!
64. But it’s okay, because her donkey skin cloak made her impossible to find a la Deathly Hallows’ invisibility cloak, and only her true match could find her.
65. Well that ended pretty decently for a grim story as this one. And yet they acted as if it were much worse! Shame on them! Don’t you know the worst is yet to come?
66. Just kidding- marking it and zooming in for added measure was pretty depressing.
67. Laurence of Arabia?! Oh, Prince Lawrence…sorry.
68. Haven’t you ever watched any criminal shows? The husband is always the first suspect in a murder case such as this! Foolish fable…
69. I can’t believe the mirror was actually responsive to that garbled mess. Impressive cognitive and response abilities.
70. See- I knew everyone would start saying these lips are sealed! It must be something… Hmm… Also, I wonder if she transformed her donkey skin into some other item to help conceal her, or if it’s because of magic or her death… Hmm… Thoughts, theories, words, and queries…
71. Show me- ugh! Is he dead?! Or did he kill her?! Oh noes!
72. Really? The princes move to the Bronx? Hmm…wouldn’t be my first choice, but to each their own I guess…
73. Yep- that guy’s been dead for awhile, that old king… Well now, I guess that crosses him off the list. Unless he’s not really dead and can shield his presence! Dum dum duhhhh. Just kidding- he’s probably dead.
74. Phone rings ominously just as you are leaving cliche.
75. Abrupt phone call ends after friendly character asking for help from main character cliche.
76. Two cliches in a row? Oh boy. What ever will we do? Who do we choose? This is a difference between life and death potentially, and could change any number of things in this story! Curse you Telltale for making me do this! I know this is a game of choice and consequences, but this is just too much!
77. Bigby the gentleman returns.
78. He said somebody was going through the Woodsman’s stuff, so I think it’s safe to assume it obviously wasn’t the Woodsman being so sneaky like that- after all, it was his place anyway.
79. Snow asks what choice the player is going to make all of four or five times on the way out of the apartment. So, that’s it then- it’s up to you. Branching paths- whatever shall we do?