The Five Most Annoying Endings of the Generation

[As Read on GIO.]

The “Not-Including Mass Effect 3” Version

The following five video game endings do of course contain major spoilers for their respective games, so be prepared to have several gaming experiences ruined for you if you have yet to play them yourselves. The games in question are Condemned: Criminal Origins, Far Cry 3, FEAR 3, Resistance 2, and Amy. The first four games are all excellent or good games, however, the fifth is extremely terrible, and therefore unsurprisingly has an equally terrible and annoying ending as well. The fact that I made it that far is quite surprising actually. However, for the sake of this blog, let me go ahead and move on to the full deal…

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Condemned: Criminal Origins

Condemned is a very underrated and little understood game that released nearer to the beginning of our current console generation, and remains a pretty likeable little gem today, despite its abominable graphics by today’s standards. Featuring a convoluted story of murder and horror and intrigue, Criminal Origins really falls apart at its ending scene, or more accurately in its final boss battle- as the ending itself is okay, even if it is completely undone by the beginning of the second game, and you basically wasted your time for fifteen hours in order to change nothing. However, Condemned’s ending is what is the most annoying, as it is basically one big boss battle with an until-then unexplained enemy known as The Hate, but later as a member of the Oro cult, who becomes a prominent source of antagonism in the second game. You sit through wave after wave of deranged hobos wielding knives and pipes and doors only to then be assailed by a man-like humanoid monstrosity wielding a giant pole-like sword, and who has the power to create massive hallucinations and cause you to freak the heck out. Things get even better once you defeat him though, as you then take a car trip with your mentor and pal, only to realize that the serial killer you’ve been chasing the entire game is in the trunk tied up, heading towards “rehabilitation” and salvation. You then are given two options which inevitably lead to the same conclusion regardless- as you can shoot the man yourself or watch him commit suicide via bullet. After this, you talk with one of your comrades from SCI at a diner, head to the restroom, and- look, suddenly those facial scars and mouthpieces from The Hate and the Oro are on your face as the screen blacks out! Thanks a lot for that Monolith. Grr…

Far Cry 3: The ‘Bad’ Ending

If Far Cry 3 wasn’t mature or controversial enough for you throughout, witnessing this particular ending sure will push it over into that territory. Not only does it showcase one of the most vivid and realistic sexual encounters of video gaming in this particular era- which is not likely to win very many mothers or fathers over to the side of ‘okay, I’ll let my get buy M-rated games”, but it also sucks immensely in more ways than one, and unravels just about everything you accomplished in the game. Let’s see…where to start… Ah, well- first of all, you’re forced to choose between killing or sparing at least one of your friends, assuming they survived thus far anyways. So, naturally, being the *** you are (apparently) in this particular ending, you choose to kill that friend. Yeah, congrats man, you really earned it. What’s your reward? Creating the “ultimate warrior” with the tribal Citra. Yeah, sounds exactly like it is, doesn’t it? So, okay, you’re an ass and you killed your friends, but hey, you got some reward out of it, so it can’t be all that bad, right? Hah, how wrong could you have been? Not only does Citra ‘reward” you justly, but she decides there can only be one in classic Highlander fashion, and stabs you fatally as well. What a thanks that is! So, basically, after having survived the entire thirty plus hours of exploring a deadly island filled with wild animals and slavers, you get killed by some ungrateful *** after having sex. Wonderful Ubisoft, just wonderful. Thankfully you sort of made up for it with the so-called ‘good’ ending, which really wasn’t too good either, but was at least less annoying and a waste of time than this one.

FEAR 3: The ‘More Bad’ Ending

So, we’ve essentially been chasing after Alma Wade for three whole games now, right? And you thought things were bad for us at the end of FEAR 2, (undoubtedly the best of the three games)? Well, boy have I got news for you. Not only does Point Man- the original protagonist from the first game, return, but he’s an *** now as well. And even better, he’s sided with his now ‘brother” Paxton Fettel, that guy who was a total *** for every minute of screen time he got in each previous game. So, okay, cool- now we have cooperative capabilities, completely at the detriment of the actual story itself. Whatever. But it just gets better from there on. If you actually manage to stomach the lack of story and sense this time around until the very end- by which point you’ve killed the best protagonist in the series, Beckett, all because you needed some information, and Fettel likes to make people implode- now you have to resolve things in a competitive way. Namely, if you played cooperatively, whichever player had the highest amount of points ends up triumphing over the other and getting the ending that the character they’re playing as gets. Or, if you played solo, the same thing happens, but you automatically win as your character. So, almost like an Army of Two: The 40th Day sort of thing, you beat each other up over the pregnant Alma, seeing who gets to protect or use her child. Well, of course, in the bad ending, Fettel wins- and guess what? All hell breaks loose, surprise! Not only dos he kill Point Man, but he absorbs Alma’s life energy and goes cannibal by feasting on her body before basically devouring her child. What a nice older brother he is, and what a screwed up and pointless ending that was. So…I guess we could still get a FEAR 4, right?

Resistance 2

Resistance 2 is definitely the highlight of the series, or rather, it is until you get to the ending and your entire world is turned upside down. So, you’ve been playing as Protagonist Nathan Hale for two console games, and then the third mysteriously features the before little-known Corporal Capelli, right? Why the sudden shift in persona? Oh, I don’t know… maybe it had something to do with a bullet between the eyes. Somewhere between Resistance: Fall of Man and Resistance 2, Hale gets infected by the Chimera, and slowly throughout the game battles the virus within as well as the enemies without. Pretty interesting, right? Well, that’s what I thought too, until the ending. So, you’ve survived the entire game, as dire as things are, and things seem to be actually alright for a change… you’re kind of pushing the Chimera back a little bit when- wham! What happened? Oh, that’s right- Hale is attacked by his own “friends” and brutally harassed. It’s small wonder then what happens next. Capelli shows up on scene and encounters a fully possessed Nathan Hale, now completely human-Chimera-fied and pretty pissed and stark raving mad. The lunatic spouts off about the time coming and “it is done” and “this is just the beginning” and a bunch of other hive-mind nonsense. Well, that is, until Capelli mercilessly shoots the ‘man’. Come on! You’re not even going to keep his body for research or something! Some friend you are pal. So yeah, you could say I was a little crushed, and annoyed.

Amy: The Bad Game

Seriously, it takes some amount of something resembling skill to create as colossal a train wreck as this particular game. It is unquestionably the worst game on this list, and one of the worst of the generation as well. But enough of those prejudices, let’s just talk about the ending and get it over with- although I will give one last jab. Seriously developers, you had one job- to rip over Dead Rising 2 as much as possible in concept, and you failed! My goodness. Anyway, as you near the end, you face more of the same, repetitive “challenges’ and murderous and generic ‘zombie’ bosses. After finally defeating the final zombie, you’re treated to first, a small cutscene of the girl and woman hugging it out and going to find their friend who happens to be a doctor, in order to get some help for Amy. After this, it quickly changes to a slideshow of pictures and credits with a narrated overtone of “I can move on now” which quickly changes to “just kidding, she’s a part of me.” Yeah- as if we didn’t have that stressed enough the entire stupid game! Then we have the (essentially) military/SWAT commander appear from nowhere and give the parting, cheesy one-liner “someone need a divine intervention?” before cutting to the full credits. Seriously, the credits were longer than the cutscene and slides themselves! How, in a game that looks like it was (favorably) made by three drunks in a basement? I mean, I hate to insult the people who worked on the project, but it just wasn’t of quality at all, and they should have never greenlit it to begin with… That’s annoying in and of itself.

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Well, that’s enough of that annoying and depressing junk for one day. I’m sure I’ve flustered you all too much already with my opinions, especially as this is my first blog back since my brief and well-deserved hiatus in the wake of my 30/30 challenge completion. Anyways, until the next time I blog here, or at least until my next review (tomorrow). Adios folks.

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